Wednesday, November 08, 2006

For all those who get married and dump their friends, read this:

Abridged version of Too Close for Comfort:
It has only been in the last century that Americans have put all their emotional eggs in the basket of coupled love. Because of this change, many of us have found joys in marriage our great-great-grandparents never did. But we have also neglected our other relationships, placing too many burdens on a fragile institution and making social life poorer in the process.

Until 100 years ago, most societies agreed that it was dangerously antisocial, even pathologically self-absorbed, to elevate marital affection and nuclear-family ties above commitments to neighbors, extended kin, civic duty and religion.

Researchers soon found that men and women with confidants beyond the nuclear family were mentally and physically healthier than people who relied on just one other individual for emotional intimacy and support

As Americans lose the wider face-to-face ties that build social trust, they become more dependent on romantic relationships for intimacy and deep communication, and more vulnerable to isolation if a relationship breaks down. In some cases we even cause the breakdown by loading the relationship with too many expectations.

Paradoxically, we can strengthen our marriages the most by not expecting them to be our sole refuge from the pressures of the modern work force. Instead we need to restructure both work and social life so we can reach out and build ties with others, including people who are single or divorced.

1 Comments:

Blogger smoo said...

Great post.

A truly caring partner should not be threatened by a spouses need for (platonic) relationships. Such a partner should allow the spouse to retain his/her identity and pursue areas that are of interest and stimulating.

In my failed marriage, I found that, while seeking to make my spouse happy, I gave up the things that made me who I am just to pacify her. I lost myself in the process and in the end she never found happiness.

11/28/2006 1:02 PM  

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